Triangular Communication

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Lorna was aghast when she saw the ‘dead’ plant in front of the altar.

We were the first of our prayer group members to arrive that Wednesday, and so she took the opportunity to tell me that Francine, whose volunteer job it was to look after the church flowers, was slacking in her duties.

She also pointed out that the carnations looked wilted too.

And then, Lorna’s habit of Triangular Communication began again ,when she said to me : ‘Sally, can you ask Francine to be more careful with the flowers ?’

Triangular Communication occurs when, instead of two people speaking directly to each other, one of the people enlists a go-between, or a messenger, to speak to the other person on their behalf. Perhaps you have experienced this.

It is a weak communication style, which can often result in confusion.

Since Lorna had asked me in the past, a few times, to be a messenger between her and Francine, I told her kindly, but assertively , that it’s best to avoid triangular communication, and that she should express her concerns to Francine directly.

While she looked perplexed, I went into the back room and returned with a pitcher of room temperature water.

I generously watered the wilted plant that had upset Lorna.

Within half an hour the plant was looking healthy again, and its leaves stretched upwards !

Had a miracle occurred ?

No, but Lorna had not realized that this was a Prayer Plant. This type of plant will droop its leaves when it needs water, thus communicating very clearly when it is thirsty.

A visitor had brought this appropriately-named plant to church.

Soon the other members of our prayer group arrived, and we began our time of praise, petition, and silent prayer.

During silent prayer , I asked the Lord to help us all improve our communication skills, and I asked Him to help us not to gossip.

Pixabay photo.

Published by Sally

I am a retired Sociologist/Educator from Ontario. I now live at the very edge of the North American Continent. I spend my time in contemplation, spiritual reading , intercessory prayer, and maintaining a spiritual garden grotto as a place of prayer in my backyard by the Atlantic.

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53 thoughts on “Triangular Communication”

  2. Good for you, Sally, for confronting Lorna. Human confrontation is always stressful, even when the receiver knows it’s in love. It is what Jesus does with His children, and look at all the experience He has! 😂

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    1. Hi Clayton !
      Yes, for sure, the Lord has lots of experience correcting us ! As you say, human confrontation is always stressful, and we need the Lord’s guidance on how, and when, to confront others in love. 🤗🌷

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  3. Well done Sally, two valuable lessons in one! Certainly triangular communication is not good, and has no place in God’s family. But my favourite point that you make is the prayer plant 🪴
    What is the name of it, or is a family name for many plants? What a very apt illustration of the human condition in need of prayer. Thank you for this today. May our Father God shower you with blessings today sister. 🌧

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    1. Hi Alan ! I did some Googling, and what I call a’ Prayer Plant ‘, is actually called a Peace Lily. In Christianity, it sometimes represents the Resurrection, because it produces beautiful white blooms. These plants are not recommended if there are young children, or pets around. They take the guesswork out of watering because the leaves droop noticeably when the plant is thirsty.

      There is another plant, actually called The Prayer Plant, which folds its leaves together at night to ressemble praying hands.
      God is endlessly creative in the huge variety of plants that He delights us with. 🌼🌷 Blessings to you, and your family as well.

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  4. Even Jesus warned against ‘triangular’ communication: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. ” Matthew 18:15-17 😉
    ❤️&🙏, c.a.

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    1. Thanks so much for providing the scripture verse for this, c.a.
      For sure, Jesus encouraged direct, honest and brief communication.

      These words are wise reminders for us.
      Too often, when we are ‘wronged’ by someone, our desire is to tell others about it.
      But Jesus always cautions us to be discreet, loving, and not damage others’ reputations. 🌷🤗

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  7. Amen!

    I love prayer plants, and I have lost count of how many I’ve had in my care and I can’t seem to keep them alive.😔

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    1. Hi ! What I referred to as a ‘Prayer Plant’, is correctly called a Peace Lily- these droop and wilt when they are thirsty.
      I love actual Prayer Plants too – these close their leaves at night.
      I understand what you are saying about keeping plants alive. It can be challenging.
      They are all so different, and require different lighting conditions, some like to be misted, others don’t…

      Usually I enjoy orchid plants at home, and find these remarkably hardy, although they look so delicate.
      But, with supply chain problems here, like everywhere else, it may be difficult to find plants on our island this winter.
      I appreciate your comment. Thanks, Petrina. 🤗🌷🌼

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      1. Aha! Brilliant.Thanks for the clarification!
        Yes, I couldn’t even keep my peace lilies alive either. You are right. The Peace Lily droops in sorrow when it needs watering and it will stand upright when watered. Hmmm. Maybe I will try orchids. Thank you. 😊❤

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  9. That was a good prayer point. ✅
    Facing someone whom we are displeased with may seem difficult because we want some air at that time. But we can trust the HolySpirit to help us handle the situation in His own best way. 💯

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    1. These are great insights. For sure, laziness can be a reason for triangular communication, but often it is fear of facing someone directly. It also is a symptom of a non-assertive communication style. 🤗🌼

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  12. Hey Sally! I had never heard that term triangular communication, now I have heard I realize how common this is! You did a great job pointing that out. God bless 🥰

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind words.
      I agree that the technology has definitely had effects. As you say, and demonstrate, effective communication is an art. 🌼🤗🌷

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    1. Hi ! For sure, when we speak directly to someone, communication is clearer.
      In doing so, we further develop our diplomacy and assertiveness skills too.
      Thanks for your comment. 🤗🌼🌷

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    1. You may witness those behaviours sometimes, in the area of counselling.
      This dynamic also occurs within families frequently, so it is helpful to teach children early to avoid triangular communication.
      I appreciate your comment. 🤗🌷

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  20. When I think of what Christians are going through in some parts of the world – imprisonment, torture, genocide – how pathetic that the Body of Christ in other parts can get divided over “First World problems” like somebody didn’t water the plant.

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